The If Files
by Niimura-sama
Summary: What if the incident of Kira never happened? Both L and Light leading a regular lives yet they become detective buddies anyway? haha Rated T for later chapters
1. Lost File o1

I apologize that this chapter will be very short... I'm so sorry! I just needed a beginning is all! I'll make all the other ones blow your mind, I promise! :D

***Note: I do NOT own Death Note, and I have used from quotes taken from the manga/anime series.***

* * *

"Will you be eating that cake?" he asked, innocently. Light stared at him with a look of annoyance and stupidity. Light threw the small piece of cake at L, hitting him in the face. A small silence.

"Say what you want, but I will be taking the cake." L ignored the cake mess on his face and clothes and grabbed another piece.

Light groaned in annoyance, staring out the window for a minute. _"Ugh he can get on my nerves some times. He's eating cake when we should be concentrating on this case!"_ Light sighed, looking to stare at L again, a little pissed off.

"Why are you staring at me?" he asked. "Are you annoyed that I am the only one who has cake?"

"No you idiot! We're supposed to be getting information on this case! All you've been doing is sitting around on your butt eating that stupid cake!" Light burst at him.

"Calm down, Light, I _am _thinking about the case. Can't you tell?"

"Like hell you are," Light crosses his arms and walks back to look out the window again.

Light tried to focus, watching a helicopter fly across the city's sky. The murder scenes where all the same. No sign of forced entry whatsoever. All victims were male, and there was always three of them in one place. One had his ears cut off, one's eyes gouged out, and one had his mouth sewn shut. As far as they could tell, based on the information they had so far, the killer was possibly an O.C.D. female. The way she would get into houses easily could be because she uses sexuality as a tool, like a stripper, maybe. Strangely, the pattern also gave mixed thoughts.

"Don't worry, Light. This isn't the hardest case we've ever had," L says, finished with his cake, and wiping off the cake that Light threw at him.

"Yeah yeah..." Light rolled his eyes.

"She also seems to think that what she's doing is right, don't you think?"

"If you're referring to how she kills her victims, then yes."

_"Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil."_ Light thought to himself.

"Would you like to take a break?" L asked.

"Are you kidding?! All you've been doing is taking a break!"

"No, I haven't. I've been thinking just as much as you, and it seems you need a break anyway."

Light wasn't upset about the case. More upset that it seemed like L hasn't been doing anything but eat cake. He sighed, grabbing his jacket from a chair.

"Alright fine. Let's go," he headed for the door.

"How about ice cream?" L smiles, getting up from the couch.

* * *

...Light slowly ate his ice cream sundae, his mind still on the case. L was on his third chocolate shake with sprinkles and a second cup of sickeningly sweet tea.

"I received files about the people who always seem to be near the murder scene." L hands Light a manila folder with a small stack of papers falling out.

"It's strange how she works everything out. Why else would she have the same people around? No need for an accomplice," Light wonders.

"Some murderers just have a weird way of working. I'm sure we can ask her when we catch her," he smiles a little, finishing his shake.

Light rummages through the papers, reading a few intently. He was about to skip one until he saw the pictures of her. She fit the guessed profile. Beautiful in her picture, and the file had said that she was O.C.D., and part time stripper after her day job at an Italian restaurant. _"This is too simple... Why is this so obvious?"_ Light showed the paper to L.

"Interesting. I guess we should check it out, hmm?" L said, sipping the last of his tea.

They arrived at the restaurant where Haruka Misato worked. L casually asked the manager for them to talk to her. They met up with her as soon as her shift ended.

"So, Misato-san... I hope you don't mind but we'd like to ask you a few questions," L asked nicely.

"Sure," she said.

"Where were you on the nights of December 12th, 15th, 18th, and 23rd? All from 9pm to midnight," Light asked.

"Home, sleeping."

"You didn't have any customers?" L asked, drinking tea again.

"Excuse me?" she became offensive.

"You're a part time stripper, aren't you?"

"I don't think that's any of your business. How did you know that?"

"Easy," was all L said. That seemed to annoy her a bit, but she stayed silent.

"Well then. Me and my friend would like your services.

"What?" Light and Haruka questioned, eyeing L at the same time, surprised.

"Yes. Me, my friend here, and another of our guy friend has a bachelor party."

Light stared at L, disturbed.

"Umm, well...OK?" she hands L a card.

"Thank you. Well, I guess I'll be seeing you..." she walked away, confused.

"What the hell was that?!" Light was unable to hide his emotions. He would never have thought in a million year that something like that would come out of his mouth.

"If she's as O.C.D. as we think, and if that is who we are looking for, I'm sure she'll be there to kill us." L took a drink of his tea.

_"Crazy bastard,"_ Light thought.

* * *

Light got home before L, because he was looking for the third person. Soon enough, however, L came back with a random guy. He had told him that they were investigators, and that his safety was assured. And he was the type of person who would do whatever if they had nothing better to do. Later that night, after lounging around, the doorbell had rung at about 10:50. Haruka walked in wearing a rather slutty pirate outfit.

"Well thank you for co--" before L could finish his sentence, she pulled out a gun with a silencer attached to it.

"I guess you knew about those murders, huh?" she questioned.

"Rather quick to the draw, are we?" L said.

"If you knew we had known, then why did you come anyway?" Light glared at her. The random friend sat scarred on the couch.

"You think I'm gunna let you catch me?" she mocked.

"This is all too easy," Light mentioned.

"It's not going to be so easy when I kill you."

L sighed. "Too bad we can't ask you why. This is actually pretty depressing."

"What are you talking about, you creep?"

L had suddenly kicked the gun from her hand.

"This is very depressing, actually. This could have been an exciting case, don't you think, Light?"

"Sure..."

Haruka was awe-struck from the sudden moment. Next thing she knew she was in handcuffs. Personal officers from L had came and took her away.

"So much was missed. We could've gotten so much information and this really would have been fun," L voiced his thoughts aloud.

"Yeah...This was a pretty short case." Light was looking out the window again.

"Well, Light..."

"Yes, Ryuuzaki?"

"I told you not to worry. Didn't I say this wasn't as difficult as any other?" L smiled, drinking more sweet tea filled with slushy sugar.

Light rolled his eyes. _"Here we go again..."_

* * *

_**I swear i'll make the next chapters awesome~!**_


	2. Lost File o2

**See? I tried a little harder this time~ Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"I just can't sit any other way than this. If I sit the way other people do, my reasoning ability drops by 40%." L ate his chocolates and donuts off the kebab stick.

Another silly argument.

"You can't seriously sit like that _all_ the time," Light told him

"On the contrary, I can. I can even drive like this," He stirred the ridiculous amount of sugar into his tea, holding the spoon with only two fingers.

"Do you handle a steering wheel like that?" Light was going to regret the answer.

"Yes," L took a sip of tea, then deciding to add even more sugar cubes.

Light sighed, looking at the stack of files on the desk he was sitting at. So many cases, all neatly organized from solved, unsolved, and cases that have been given up on. After coming back to the apartment, L had brought about five suitcases of those files. Then he decided to bring in about seven more of the cases that were forgotten about for years. It was a good thing this was all they did, with all the time on their hands. There was an argument about bringing all the files, of course.

After his rummaging, he was finally able to choose a case to work on. This one caught his eye, particular because it was oddly familiar. It seemed to be a copy-cat case of the Black Dahlia Murder. The whole file was almost blank, with the absence of suspects, DNA, and weapons. The victim had recently moved to get a better chance for her acting career. She had long black hair, young, and wore a flower in her hair. Her body severed from the waist and drained completely of blood. Light looked up as he felt light breathing on his neck. L was staring at the file directly over his shoulder.

"A little space?" Light glared at him.

"This is an interesting choice, Light," L took a bite of a donut. "Pretty lucky, too."

"How?"

"Compared to the actual murder, this doesn't have such a lack of evidence," he took another bite.

"What are you talking about? This whole file is almost blank," Light skimmed through the two pages to show him.

"Look here," L pointed at a small section that showed two suspects. Both men.

"Yes, what about them? If you didn't think we would interrogate them--"

"I didn't think that at all, Light. Also, look here," he pointed at a section that had said that there was a store that sold the assumed used weapons. "I have a feeling that this case will be one of our easier ones. Ready to go interrogate our suspects?" he took a bite to finish off his donut.

* * *

"Ready when you are," Light said as he and L stood in front of the first suspects house.

L nodded, lightly pushing the button to ring the doorbell. A few minutes passed by before footsteps could be heard heading towards the door.

"Yeah?" a tall thin man asked.

"Are you Akihiro?" L asked.

"Yeah what of it?" he asked. He had a toothbrush in his mouth, still brushing as he talked.

"You're a suspect of a murder, isn't that true?" Light asked.

"Are you cops? I've already answered all your questions..."

"No no, we aren't police. We are detectives." L was sucking on a lollipop.

"...Riiight... Well what do _you _want then?"

"To ask you a few questions, of course," Light told him, a notepad in hand.

He stared at the two of them for a second.

"You're a doctor, yes?" the man nods, answering L. "And you don't have an alibi on the night Naomi was killed?"

"Yeah, but just cause I don't have an alibi doesn't I wasn't at my house that night."

Light wrote small notes after everything the man said. You could tell the man was annoyed, but he ignored it. L stared through the man, looking past into his house. He seemed to be lost in thought.

"Let's go Light. Thank you," he bowed to Akihiro and walked towards the car. Light was driving.

"What was that about?" Light asked, on their way to the next suspects house.

"It seems obvious now that it couldn't have been Akihiro. The date that the hospital supply store had last sold the specific assumed weapons was at the time that he was leaving his father's house." L licked the lollipop. "And his alibi puts out."

"He was with his father at the time the store had sold the supposed murder weapons. Shigeru was seen at the store at that time and he is also a doctor."

"So his alibi must have been lying, huh?"

"I would assume so," L bit off what was left of the lollipop.

"This seems too easy, yet again."

"Yes, but that is not the difficult part. Even if all this fits, we still need DNA or else nobody will take it."

"Good point."

"Turn around, Light."

"What? Why?"

"It's time to visit a dead body," L pulled out a handful of cream puffs.

* * *

They drove to the morgue, and they were easily allowed inside. They were standing over the victim.

"She wasn't raped, so there isn't a rape kit. Nothing was found during autopsy either," Light told him.

"Look," L points under her nails. "Dried blood. Strange that they missed it."

"Yeah, it wasn't in the report." Light pulls out a toothpick and digs under her nails, then puts the toothpick in a plastic baggy.

"Hmm..." L stared at the slowly decaying body.

"What's wrong?" Light asked.

"There's an indention..." he feels the arm of the body. There was a very light area that was poking outward. "Hand me a scalpel, please."

Light grabbed a small tool kit and pulled out a scalpel, handing to L. L cut the rectangular indention on the corpses skin. He put on a doctors glove and pulled out a piece of paper. He opened the clean note and read it aloud in a monotone voice.

"Welcome to the real world."

"How strange. I'm sure we can match his handwriting," Light takes the paper and puts it in a separate baggy.

"Let's show him…that the good guys always win."

Ready to catch their killer, they head to Shigeru's house.

* * *

They arrive at Shigeru's house, and knock on the door. A tall lanky man, still wearing his hospital work uniform, opens the door.

"Yes?" he asks, yawning.

"We caught you," L says, showing a small smile.

"Excuse me?"

"The murder of Naomi Hikaru. Black Dahlia copy-cat killer."

"Nice try, I already told you I had an alibi and he checked out alright."

"We aren't police. We're detectives," Light said, holding up the note. "May we see your handwriting?"

Shigeru stares at them for a moment. He glances back from the both of them to the evidence Light held. He suddenly dashed to his back door, surprising L, but Light ran after him, finding a way to trip him.

"That's pretty sad. You actually tried to run away?" Light pulled out a pair of handcuffs and put them on Shigeru.

"Very. What if we didn't really know anything at all? A bluff?" L stood over Shigeru and Light, who was holding Shigeru down. "The fact that you ran, gave you away."

* * *

As easy as the case was, they still turned Shigeru in happily, giving the police all the evidence. Later that night, Light was back at the desk, sifting for their next case. L sat as he usually did, hunched over with his thumb near his mouth, holding acidic sugary sweet tea.

"You know what, Light?"

"What is it Ryuuzaki," he turned a page of files.

"Our cases may get dangerous. Lets value our lives."

Light looked back at him. "Alright...But I'm not too worried." he looked back at the papers. L took a drink of his tea.

"Good job, Light," L said.

"Excuse me?" Light sounded offended.

"Nothing," L sipped his tea with an innocent smile.

* * *

**You know... in your reviews you can tell me what type of case they should solve next! :D that would be fun, I'm sure, and it would help me a little bit. ;)**


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